WRITTEN BY CHUKWUEBUKA OBINUGWU
It is the dream of every girl to find her perfect man, her prince in shining amour, who would swing her off her feet and lead her to the altar to utter those two profound words, “I Do”. And to, thereafter, live happily ever after and grow old together. But life is not always a bed of roses or a story book, neither do all have the privilege of growing old together. Events happen that cut short such dreams, jolting married couples back to reality, a harsh reality that many are battling to live.
The intervention of death in life terminates lofty dreams, ambitions and aspirations and in a marriage situation, death brings final separation, leaving the living partner to carry on. Death opens up another phase of life in a woman’s world and that is widowhood; a condition which makes a woman stay without a husband.
When a woman is widowed anywhere in the world, especially in Africa, it is natural for the woman to mourn the husband as a mark of final respect, which she owes the deceased. But often, they are subjected to some tragic customary and traditional practices which have far-reaching consequences on them, their children and the society.
Some of the practices widows are meant to pass through on the loss of their husbands include barbing of the hair, drinking of the remains of the bath water used in washing the husband’s corpses, denial of right of inheritance to husband’s property, stopping her from taking her bath for days and outright confinement in a particular hut.
In some communities, when a man dies, the widow is forced to marry one the brothers-in-law, thereby generating a lot of emotional trauma for the woman and also violating the woman’s Fundamental Human Right. There are also some reported cases of maltreatment of widows, ranging from denial of rights or privileges, physical assaults, seizure of husband’s property, prompting the husband’s brothers to forcefully collect car and house keys from the widow if she dares refuse any of their requests. Worst still, they will eject her and her children from the house built by her husband.
However, there is the issue of oath-taking and covenant. This is when the woman must be under sanction for offences which needed to be addressed. This includes in extreme cases, where the woman is accused of being directly or indirectly responsible for her husband’s death, thus requiring the administration of an oath to prove her innocence. Some widows are led to shrines before dreadful deities for oath-taking before being allowed to mourn their husbands. They could be made to drink and eat some fruits like kolanuts dipped into the water used in bathing their husband’s corpse. Alternatively, such widows could be made to embrace her husband’s corpse.
Meanwhile, it is assumed that if the accused is guilty of the allegations leveled against her, she would die within a period after the oath-taking, otherwise, she would be declared innocent. The bizarre side of this practice is that when, for instance, a man was never seen quarrelling openly with the wife, people still claimed that the woman held his late husband spellbound through diabolical means.
Similarly, widows are not allowed to eat with good plates. They are forced to use utensils that are good enough to feed dogs to eat. She is not allowed to eat with anybody, smile or talk to anybody. The spoon, plate, cup among her other cutleries are different from others. Women in areas where such practices are performed, usually undergo a lot of assaults, physical, emotional and psychological trauma. These and more would push a lot of women praying to die before their husbands.
To this end, government at all levels should enact laws to curb such inhumane practice against widows. More Non-governmental organisations should join in this fight and protect the interest of these helpless widows who never chose death for their husbands. The church should also carry their preaching campaigns to all corners of the communities in order to stop this monstrous act. Traditional rulers, on their part, should, as a matter of necessity, put a stop to some of these outrageous practices and seek the promotion of women’s welfare, especially widows. The society should handle women and every human being with love and compassion, while we observe traditions and customs.
Finally, there should be sensitization and empowerment of widows to improve their knowledge on how to avoid being victims of victimization as well as to know when their rights are trampled upon.

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