Marriage is a sacred bond. In both religious and social circles, matrimony holds an indispensable stake, given its invaluable position in familial and societal order.
In the ancient time, when culture held its purity, pre-marital proceedings were a defining moment in the life of a spouse to-be. The awe, enthusiasm and readiness told a great deal of the sanctity and respectable nature of the institution one was about to enter into.
Today, the institution of marriage has lost its sacredness due to the selfish desire of some parents or a re-invented culture that has turned the institution into a business venture. The ugly stance of some so-called traditions in some parts of Igboland on marriage looks like a deliberate mockery of the culture.
For a clearer picture, marriages in these areas are simply business. The would-be son-in-law must understand the weight and value of the goods he is proposing to buy. He must bear in mind that the weightier the goods, the heavier the price. Snap your fingers, revolt and protest all you wish, no discount is coming.
It is as worrisome as it is terrible. The practitioners of this type of culture have always anchored their actions on the fact that their women portray importance, and any man who wishes to marry them must pay for that importance. Or, that giving out their daughters, whom they have spent years of resources training, for a penny, is foolish and thoughtless.
In some areas, the bride price of a woman is determined by her level of education. So, an aspiring son-in-law who wants to marry a university graduate must make sure his bank account speaks volume.
Cases abound of areas in Igboland where the list of items for marriage takes weeks of severe borrowing to buy. The would-be son-in-law, who has been put through these tortuous processes, is left with pains rather than the bliss of a marital beginning. There was a case of a man who, after going through this Golgotha experience, mandated his in-laws to pay for anything they use or eat in his house. And another man, who still nurses the wounds of paying for the loans he took to pay up the huge bride price attached to his wife’s head, would constantly remind the wife of her place in the house, not as a spouse but as a slave. Marriages and dreams of marriages have broken down because of this menace.
At one point, a man who has little or no means to meet up with these pre-marital demands is left with no choice but to turn his face to a more welcoming venue. In some other home, a man looks at his wife and the picture of how he was exploited comes anew. Hence, the wife continues to get battered.
Still, the number of women whose dreams have been robbed by this cultural menace continues to rise. Those gory instances tell us how urgent it has become to intervene. While the recent passage of the law limiting excessive spending on burial ceremonies in Anambra State by the Anambra State House of Assembly is commendable, the different State Houses of Assembly in the South East geopolitical zone tow this path.
Those who make mischief out of the revered Igbo culture must look at the ravaging effects of trying to circumvent a respected identity. Marriage ought to bring blessings not rancour. Exploiting a would-be son-in-law or seeing your daughters as waiting opportunities to squeeze wealth out of intending husbands will only tell an ugly story of a particular people, and stain the ideal notion of marriage.
Cultural tolerance must prevail in all circumstances. A father who once asked his son-in-law to forego the huge bride price and pay an affordable amount on the basis that his daughter was not for sale is not thoughtless. He has set an emulative standard, a strong indicator that marriage is not a business venture but a solemn connection.
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